Just a pensive day...

Today wasn't really anything special. I had a bit of a lie-in after a restless night's sleep and then I started work at 12pm. I was meant to work until 6pm but it was quiet at 4pm so they let me go. Was a fairly busy day in work, met some more of the staff (half of us are from my form in school!) and earned some more money! I ended up scrubbing everything in the kitchen and sweeping the whole shop to keep busy. I'm working a couple of extra days this week and it feels nice to have the money coming in. 

This is Toast!

I've spent most of the day thinking, which is always dangerous anyway, but now it's starting to hurt my head a little bit! So much has happened in the last 6 months and I've been shoved out of my comfort zone and forced to get used to so many new things. I'm honestly finding it hard to settle back into my normal life. I've really landed on my feet with this job. I have an income, a way to pass my days and something new to add to my CV. I'm back living with Joel and his family who love having me here and who include me every night in their family dinners and when they watch Tv and everything else they do together. Why, oh why am I still yearning for Parma? I miss the people I met there and I miss the places we used to go. I'm finding it hard knowing that the people I got on so well with, are probably having a better time with new people and have forgotten about me. They all have each other and I can only look on Facebook and see the statuses. I'm never going to be a part of that properly again. 

Parma <3

I'm now ridiculously nervous about Germany, so much so that I'm losing sleep. I don't want to have to leave Parma behind. I don't want to have to settle in all over again. More to the point, I don't want to make a new set of amazing friends that I have to leave behind. I'm not good at making attachments and then walking away. The friends I have, I keep for life. I met Jen Handley in nursery/reception in Coventry and we're still close and tell each other everything! I met Aim Jenkins on my first day in Radyr. We're getting tattoos next week and going to Venice in the summer (again!). I can't handle this YA where I'm finding myself meeting these incredible people with whom I have an amazing friendship and then I have to leave and watch them have fun with new people and forget about me! 

I miss Parma. I miss the people. I have everything I could ever need/want here in Cardiff - why am I not happy? 

I miss my friends! Even Jen & Aim are in London. I can't wait to settle and have all my friends and family in one place <3
At least I have Joel! My knight in shining armour who puts up with all my whining and complaining and still goes out to the shop late at night to get me biscuits to have with my tea to make me happy. He puts up with a hell of a lot - I have no idea why but I'm so thankful! I'm lucky to have you :) No matter how much I miss other people, I'm still grateful for everything you do! 

A quick message to all my friends, wherever you may be! Whether you're in Wales/England/Germany/Italy/Belgium/France/ - wherever! I miss you and I wish I could be spending more time with you! Yes, you!