Gratitude

This is a really important post for me and I hope I can do it justice. 

I mentioned, once or twice, in my previous posts that I do a lot of complaining. Nothing is ever perfect and I'm always looking for improvements and never satisfied with what I have. Every time I realise this, I say that I'm going to change and I don't think I ever really do.

But this week, something happened that made me realise that, even if I can't stop myself from aiming higher and wanting more, I can at least be grateful for what I have.

Earlier this year, I lost my half-brother to cancer. Earlier this month, another half-brother lost his mother to cancer. Last week, a good friend told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. The good news is, he should be out of hospital today after getting the all-clear on Friday. 

A year or two ago, I didn't know anybody with cancer and now, it seems to be everywhere I look. In July, I did the 10k Race For Life for Cancer Research and this month, I did a 46 mile bike ride from Brecon (although we got tremendously lost and I'm sure we did more than 46 miles...) to Taffs Well. I cried after the bike ride because I was in so much pain. But the pain I had from 8 hours of cycling must be nothing in comparison to living with cancer or, even worse, living after losing someone to cancer. 

I'm not just talking about cancer in this post. I'm talking about anything that could be waiting around the corner. It makes me remember when I got off the coach after my school trip to France in Year 7 and getting picked up by my Grandma, despite me living with my Dad not two streets away. I knew something was wrong. The next day, they took me into the hospital to see him. He was sat in his bed, looking the same as he always did, but with an info pack about heart attacks on his lap. A lot changed for me that day. My Dad isn't just my Dad. He brought me up all on his own and had to make so many changes to his life and so many important decisions on his own. I can look back now on the rough times and know that everybody makes mistakes but he always had my best interests at heart. I can remember sitting on that hospital bed knowing that I could've lost my Dad that weekend. My Dad is my world. My hero. What hurts even more is that I know he wont be here forever. None of us will. 

Joel left for work this morning after we had a bit of a bicker. We don't argue because, at the moment, there's nothing in our lives that we need to argue about. Things will change when we have bills, children and a mortgage but for now it's less important. I still feel guilty knowing that something could've happened on the way to work and our last words would've been our little spat. I know I can't go through life thinking every minute could be the last. That's depressing and I'll probably end up having a breakdown. But I know that, even though we bicker, we're still gold. I could never be without him and he could never be without me. We know how much we mean to each other. That's what is important.

So here's a message from me.

Thank you Dad for everything that you have ever done and will ever do for me. You are my hero and you mean the world to me. One day, in the very, very distant future, you'll know that I spent the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.

Joel, you're the one for me! I can't wait to marry you, have a family with you and grow old with you. I love you more than life itself... but then, you know all that!

Aimz! You truly are the best friend a gal could have. You're there for me when I need you, you have an amazing sense of humour and you just get me. More importantly, you stand by me, even when you don't agree with my choices or when you know I'm making mistakes. You're a good egg.

And to my other friends, no matter how little or often we see each other, no matter how long we go without catching up, you're all special to me. I'm grateful for everything that my friends do for me and I want you all to know that. 

So there it is. My post about gratitude. I'm grateful for life. I'm grateful for love. I'm grateful for eternal friendship. Above all, I'm grateful for waking up each day knowing that I have the time to live, love, make mistakes and make memories. 

You can all put your kleenex away now, I'm done writing.

Thank you

Perspective

I think it's safe to say 2014 has already been a turbulent year. Well, that's my excuse for not having written a blog post in ten months...

So here's a quick review of 2014:
I graduated from Cardiff University with a 2.1 Hons in German and Italian. I failed miserably at a Graduate Assessment Day. I hated working at BMW for all of four hours. I'm still working in Fagins. I also work in Tesco. I've started learning Welsh. I still live with Joel's family. 

But.

As soon as my DBS check clears, I'll be mentoring an Italian girl in Cantonian High School as she speaks little to no English. Hopefully, I'll also be taking on her brother which would be an amazing opportunity for me. At some point this month, the applications will open for next year's PGCE course in Cardiff Met so I can start getting my life in order. By April, Joel and I should have enough money to get a mortgage and start making our own lives together. After Christmas, Aim and I will be popping to Paris for a cheap yet cultural trip around the capital. Also, plans are in motion to go interrailing around Europe in the summer! Oh, to be young! 

So I guess my monotonous everyday life doesn't sound too bad once in perspective!
And I think that's one of the most important things I've learned recently. Everything can seem better or seem worse by changing your perspective. I work ridiculous hours and never see Joel or my friends. But I'm earning money to put towards our house and future. I haven't eaten chocolate, cake or biscuits in 15 days because Scofftober seemed like a good idea. But I'll be healthier for it! 

One of my faults is that I complain a lot. I'm trying to be more appreciative and change my perspective. I miss Joel a lot. We're like ships in the night at the moment. But whenever we get a few minutes together just to cuddle and tell each other what we've missed, it feels like that time is more precious. The same goes for my friends. I'm scraping desperately to get some time together to meet up with people, but at least it'll be worth the wait when plans do fall into place. 

I'm happy I'm working (and I think my bank balance will be too!) and I'm happy I'm busy. I could be sat on the sofa doing nothing all day but instead I'm making small yet vital steps for my future. That's a far better way to think about stacking shelves in Tesco, now isn't it?

Like I said - perspective!

Hurrah 2014!

First of all, I should acknowledge that I haven't written a blog post since September! Honestly, I have no idea how that happened...

Well actually I do.

I started back at University for my final year. Yes, that happened. And boy, is it busy! I have two exams within the next week and despite having done revision, I am honestly crapping myself. It's my penultimate batch of exams and the pressure is definitely on! 

I also managed to get myself a part time (!) job in a bar in Taffs Well called Fagins. If you haven't been there, you should. The food is amazing, the live music is usually pretty awesome and the drink prices are alright too! I've worked SO much over Christmas so bank balance is happier but revision timetable isn't looking as full as I'd hoped...

Since September, things have pretty much been the same. I've occupied myself with work for University and working the regular shifts in the bar. Christmas was busy, as was New Years. For Christmas, I got quite a lot of presents and they were all lovely. My favourite is quite hard to pick really. I got a dressing gown from Joel's parents and I haven't had one since I was about 7 so I LOVE it. I got tonnes of socks and if you ever wanna make me happy - buy me socks! However, the gift on my number one spot has got to be my scratch map! If you don't know what this is, google it! It's a giant wall map and you scratch off the counties that you've been to. This has already led to ANOTHER holiday being decided -_- oops! 

So me and Joel went to a wedding fayre in the bay today. It was huge! We saw so many amazing stands and stalls and can promise all the guests to our wedding, that you will have an amazing and eventful day! We came away with a bag full of leaflets and prices and ideas and we sat down and drew up a budget of our entire wedding. It's actually insanely do-able! So the saving begins! 

So 2014, what do you have in store for me? 

Well hopefully, I will graduate from University with a satisfying grade. I will spend a week in Malta with Joel for our 5 year anniversary. I will spend a week in Greece with Aim just to relax after the last 15 years of education!! Hopefully, I will get the full time job that I have my heart set on, but only time will tell. More than anything, I hope I will be in a more stable and secure place than I am now. I hope I will have savings, and more concrete wedding plans and almost have a deposit for a house! 

2014, I hope you will turn out to be the exciting year that I think you're going to be!

Daydreaming

This is a bit of an airy-fairy post - not exactly a concrete update!

I've had some real daydreaming issues in the last week and I don't think I've ever enjoyed daydreaming this much. The things that I'm thinking about are really worrying and most of you are going to think I've gone mad! 

I am genuinely excited for Autumn and for Winter. 

I have my favourite coat, I've bought some stunning new boots, I discovered my racoon wooly hat and gloves and I am totally ready for the cold weather. 

I think about me and Joel taking a romantic stroll through Bute Park and feeling the golden brown, red and yellow leaves crunching beneath our feet as we pull each other closer and comment on our breath in the air :)

I think about taking Courtney, Harry and Oscar to the ice-rink and cuddling up in a cafe somewhere with a round of hot chocolates to warm up. The feeling of cold fingers on hot cups and the sight of chocolate covered smiles :)

I think about dashing home from Uni in the rain, throwing my wet clothes in the wash, putting on the biggest, fluffiest jumpers and slippers and curling up on the couch and reading a book :)

I think about standing out in the cold watching fireworks on Bonfire Night, marvelling at the pictures in the sky until we can no longer feel our noses and then heading home to curl up in front of the fire :)

I think about taking the little 'uns Trick or Treating, dressed up as pumpkins, bats and vampires, wandering round in the cold, asking for sweets and chocolate and getting home with big piles of stuff which we have to save until after dinner ;) 

I think about Christmas, having the new puppy ripping at the wrapping paper while we play with our new gadgets and gizmos, waiting for the food to be cooked and watching the snow fall outside :) 

As much as I love summer and wearing nicer clothes and sunbathing and going on holidays and things, I think there's a lot to be said for Winter. It's a time to get closer together. A time to bundle up and not worry how much you weigh; just put on a bigger jumper! A time to curl up in front of the fire and watch movies. A time to wear animal hats and gloves. A time to feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Bring on the Winter <3 My new favourite season :)

Enjoying life!

Hello to you! 
Ready for another blog post? This one is definitely a happy one!

I've not long come back from a month holiday - jammy git, I know! Me and Aimz went to Venice again; sun, sea and culture! And of course unlimited pizza! We both managed to get pretty respectable tans, we saw a lot of Venice and did a day trip to Murano; the island of glass. We also spend two days in the Biennale which is a giant art/architecture exhibition which takes up a large part of the island. It was actually really fun and interesting! We inventing "damping" on the way there and back, which is camping in the p*ssing down rain! Awesome times, awesome memories!

 

 

 

 

Me&Aimz on the beach!

After Venice, me and Joel went straight to Coventry and spent a few days with my Dad. We had a lovely few days, having day trips and eating carveries and things! We're going up again on the weekend for a family get-together to celebrate birthdays, graduations and engagements. Exciting!

 

 

Joel, me and Papa G in Coombe Abbey

I've finished enrolling for fourth year, so I have my modules chosen and ready to rock and roll. 
I just need to find a job now and all will be fine and I can get back on my feet.

I'm driving again now though! I'm on Joel's insurance and I'm driving his car. I drove to the bay today to get some shoes for our engagement party! Then we went to see my sister and the little 'uns, I had a lovely welcome back with hugs from the kids and Oscar eventually became chatty and spoke to me a bit! 

This is my life :)
This is what I've been waiting for! I'm driving, I'm with my family, I'm searching for a job so I can fund myself and I'm finishing my degree. Life is SWEET! :D

End of YA, Engagement & LIFE!!

Brace yourselves folks. This is one EPIC blog post!

 Let's start from the beginning shall we?

Papa G came out to see me in Germany for a week for my birthday and I had an AMAZING week full of adventures and surprises and laughter and photos - standard really! We traveled round and saw Hannover and Heidelberg, as well as secret areas of Kassel that I hadn't found myself in the four months I'd been there. We also went to the theatre and we saw Evita together!

It was a brilliant week and I loved every minute of it!
Love you so much Papa G! xo

  

Me, Dad and Anka going to see Evita

Me and Dad at my birthday meal

Me and Dad in Heidelberg

Dad and me at the Water Games

For my birthday, Papa G bought me an amazing white-gold heart-shaped locket (personally crafted, all the way from Staten Island, NYC complete with colour engraved picture on the inside) and a bottle of pink champagne and an owl cake! It was a brilliant birthday and I loved it! Joel got me a Kindle and made me the best birthday card in the world!!  Thank you to all the people who gave me money for my birthday too, I intend to spend it well when I'm on holiday in the summer! 

On July 8th, I took my Dad to the airport and said another (but final) farewell and let him catch his plane back to UK. I then went downstairs to wait for Aimz in arrivals... you know, where people ARRIVE!!!! Well, ten mins later she texts me telling me that she's in departures O_o Lord knows how she managed that but it sums up the week really! We bought Scoubies and generally relived our childhood for a good few days! She helped me pack up my life and end my YA on a high! Eternally grateful, thanks! xo

Me and Aimz in the park with our Scoubies!

Aimz being attacked by a swan!

RACCOONNNNNSSSSS!!!

Champagne in the park to celebrate the end!

So that was the end of my year abroad. Done and dusted! I couldn't be happier that it's over to be honest.
Especially now my REAL life has officially begun...

On 12th July, Joel picked me up from Bristol Airport after a difficult year of being in separate countries and maintaining a relationship via Skype and expensive flights. When I walked into Arrivals, there he was. Dressed up to the nines and holding the biggest red rose I've ever seen, I ran into his arms and kissed and hugged him like I'd never before! He had to practically throw me off so that he could give his speech and get down on one knee. In front of everyone, he asked me then and there to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course, I said yes! Everyone in the airport clapped and cheered and whistled and my legs went to jelly. 

I am officially the happiest I've ever been in my life. Ever.

My PERFECT rose

My PERFECT ring

July 15th was Joel's graduation. My fiance graduated from Cardiff University with a First in Computer Science! It was a wonderful day of celebration and photos and smiles. It was really beautiful and I'm so so proud of him! Well done! :) xo

My PERFECT fiance graduating!

My clever boy xo

Officially a graduate!

After the ceremony!

Ages ago, I'd booked a hotel for me and Joel to go to so we could celebrate his 21st seens as we were apart for it. We had one night in a 5* hotel in Llanmartin with sparkling rose wine and some lovely sunshine! It was really nice to spend some quality time together and celebrate our engagement too!  

Our cards so far!

Our 5* bed!

Celebratory Wine

Cheers!

The day after, we had a lovely day at the beach in Barry and you HAVE to check out the picture of the car we built out of sand. Please note: the PATHETIC size of the spade we used to build it!!! 

Joel in our EPIC car

Me legally driving....

Lush day out :)

Fiance & Fiancee!

Today, me and Becky did the Race for Life in Swansea for Giuseppe. It was a really successful day and we managed to jog a fair bit of the course. It was lovely because it was along the sea front. It was really inspiring to run with so many people fighting cancer. I'm considering making this an annual thing - such a good feeling! Thank you Becky for asking me to run the race with you! xo

Ready to rock 'n' roll!

All geared up!

Limbering up

WE GOT MEDALS!!

Now I promise not to leave it so long until the next post so you don't have to spend hours reading through my life! Exciting times though, eh?

I simply couldn't be happier right now!

YA over. Life begun

Engaged

Perfect :)

xo

Ein schöner Tag in Kassel :)

Well today was a LOVELY day!

24 degrees and sunny!

Arty-farty shot of the park

Me and Conny :)

Stuck in the hole ;)

The cock kept getting stuck ;)

Me and Conny went the the Karlsaue (the big park I mentioned before) and we took a picnic. The weather was so nice and we sat and played cards and ate melon (and got it everywhere!!). For a bit of exercise, we played the most hilarious game of Federball in the world! I don't think we have an equivalent but it's basically Badminton without the rules; you just hit back and forth. Well as you can see from the picture, the shuttlecock just kept getting stuck in the rackets...

"I can't get it out of the hole! - That's what she said ;)

The cock is stuck! - That's what she said ;)"

So so so many "that's what she said" moments, I haven't laughed that much in a long, long time!

We did some more reading and I got a bit further with "Der Kleine Prinz" while listening to Italian music and discussing the odd phrase in French whilst talking mostly in English... *mindfuck!!*

So now it's 10pm and I've not long got home. I'm about to have some dinner; soup a la Aim ;) That's Cuppa Soup to anyone who's not familiar aha! 

Wonderful day :) More memories and more pictures!