Gratitude

This is a really important post for me and I hope I can do it justice. 

I mentioned, once or twice, in my previous posts that I do a lot of complaining. Nothing is ever perfect and I'm always looking for improvements and never satisfied with what I have. Every time I realise this, I say that I'm going to change and I don't think I ever really do.

But this week, something happened that made me realise that, even if I can't stop myself from aiming higher and wanting more, I can at least be grateful for what I have.

Earlier this year, I lost my half-brother to cancer. Earlier this month, another half-brother lost his mother to cancer. Last week, a good friend told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. The good news is, he should be out of hospital today after getting the all-clear on Friday. 

A year or two ago, I didn't know anybody with cancer and now, it seems to be everywhere I look. In July, I did the 10k Race For Life for Cancer Research and this month, I did a 46 mile bike ride from Brecon (although we got tremendously lost and I'm sure we did more than 46 miles...) to Taffs Well. I cried after the bike ride because I was in so much pain. But the pain I had from 8 hours of cycling must be nothing in comparison to living with cancer or, even worse, living after losing someone to cancer. 

I'm not just talking about cancer in this post. I'm talking about anything that could be waiting around the corner. It makes me remember when I got off the coach after my school trip to France in Year 7 and getting picked up by my Grandma, despite me living with my Dad not two streets away. I knew something was wrong. The next day, they took me into the hospital to see him. He was sat in his bed, looking the same as he always did, but with an info pack about heart attacks on his lap. A lot changed for me that day. My Dad isn't just my Dad. He brought me up all on his own and had to make so many changes to his life and so many important decisions on his own. I can look back now on the rough times and know that everybody makes mistakes but he always had my best interests at heart. I can remember sitting on that hospital bed knowing that I could've lost my Dad that weekend. My Dad is my world. My hero. What hurts even more is that I know he wont be here forever. None of us will. 

Joel left for work this morning after we had a bit of a bicker. We don't argue because, at the moment, there's nothing in our lives that we need to argue about. Things will change when we have bills, children and a mortgage but for now it's less important. I still feel guilty knowing that something could've happened on the way to work and our last words would've been our little spat. I know I can't go through life thinking every minute could be the last. That's depressing and I'll probably end up having a breakdown. But I know that, even though we bicker, we're still gold. I could never be without him and he could never be without me. We know how much we mean to each other. That's what is important.

So here's a message from me.

Thank you Dad for everything that you have ever done and will ever do for me. You are my hero and you mean the world to me. One day, in the very, very distant future, you'll know that I spent the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.

Joel, you're the one for me! I can't wait to marry you, have a family with you and grow old with you. I love you more than life itself... but then, you know all that!

Aimz! You truly are the best friend a gal could have. You're there for me when I need you, you have an amazing sense of humour and you just get me. More importantly, you stand by me, even when you don't agree with my choices or when you know I'm making mistakes. You're a good egg.

And to my other friends, no matter how little or often we see each other, no matter how long we go without catching up, you're all special to me. I'm grateful for everything that my friends do for me and I want you all to know that. 

So there it is. My post about gratitude. I'm grateful for life. I'm grateful for love. I'm grateful for eternal friendship. Above all, I'm grateful for waking up each day knowing that I have the time to live, love, make mistakes and make memories. 

You can all put your kleenex away now, I'm done writing.

Thank you

Perspective

I think it's safe to say 2014 has already been a turbulent year. Well, that's my excuse for not having written a blog post in ten months...

So here's a quick review of 2014:
I graduated from Cardiff University with a 2.1 Hons in German and Italian. I failed miserably at a Graduate Assessment Day. I hated working at BMW for all of four hours. I'm still working in Fagins. I also work in Tesco. I've started learning Welsh. I still live with Joel's family. 

But.

As soon as my DBS check clears, I'll be mentoring an Italian girl in Cantonian High School as she speaks little to no English. Hopefully, I'll also be taking on her brother which would be an amazing opportunity for me. At some point this month, the applications will open for next year's PGCE course in Cardiff Met so I can start getting my life in order. By April, Joel and I should have enough money to get a mortgage and start making our own lives together. After Christmas, Aim and I will be popping to Paris for a cheap yet cultural trip around the capital. Also, plans are in motion to go interrailing around Europe in the summer! Oh, to be young! 

So I guess my monotonous everyday life doesn't sound too bad once in perspective!
And I think that's one of the most important things I've learned recently. Everything can seem better or seem worse by changing your perspective. I work ridiculous hours and never see Joel or my friends. But I'm earning money to put towards our house and future. I haven't eaten chocolate, cake or biscuits in 15 days because Scofftober seemed like a good idea. But I'll be healthier for it! 

One of my faults is that I complain a lot. I'm trying to be more appreciative and change my perspective. I miss Joel a lot. We're like ships in the night at the moment. But whenever we get a few minutes together just to cuddle and tell each other what we've missed, it feels like that time is more precious. The same goes for my friends. I'm scraping desperately to get some time together to meet up with people, but at least it'll be worth the wait when plans do fall into place. 

I'm happy I'm working (and I think my bank balance will be too!) and I'm happy I'm busy. I could be sat on the sofa doing nothing all day but instead I'm making small yet vital steps for my future. That's a far better way to think about stacking shelves in Tesco, now isn't it?

Like I said - perspective!